Always Alone
by Pantz
Summary: You've spent your entire life on the outside looking in.


**_Disclaimer: Everything from HP books belongs to JK Rowling_**

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**_Always Alone_**

You've spent your entire life on the outside looking in. You've spent your life with your head in the clouds dreaming about mystical creatures and stories that hold little or no truth. You live with your dad, alone in a big, empty house, and wonder daily what it would be like if your mother was still alive. Would your life, you in general, still be so awkward?

You have this huge balcony outside your room where you sit all the time. There's a big comfy couch that sways you back and forth and you sit there all night watching the stars and thinking about her, your mother. You don't really remember her too well. You remember silky brown hair and the smell of peppermint. You remember soft laughter and honey colored eyes. But you don't remember the important stuff. You don't remember her beautiful voice when she would sing to you or the fashionable way she designed clothes. You don't notice how similar your handwriting is to hers or that your favorite candies are chocolate frogs, just like hers.

He won't talk about her, your father. It's why your mother is just a big mystery. You asked about her once. You asked him about what she liked to do and if she loved you like you imagined she did. His eyes turned red and welled up with tears and couldn't look at you for days. Your grandmother, his mother, says it's because you remind him of her and then reminds you of the heartbreak he went through after she died.

You think that that's the reason you're so attracted to him, why you went through such trouble to please him. He's never met his parents either only knowing small details of the people who gave him life. He, too, is in the dark about his parents when in reality he should know more than anybody. In the long run it doesn't matter that he is Harry Potter or a hero. You like him because in a small way you share something with him that no one else does, the emptiness inside your heart.

But your life is so different from this child star. You live alone with no one in this world who cares but your dad. You're strange, there isn't a nice way to put it and when people are around you they tend to wish they had just stayed away. It's sad really, because you're one of those people who are so nice and sincere and when you care about something you really care, there's no half-way for you. You put your heart and soul into everything you do and anyone would be lucky to have such a wonderful person as a friend. But you were cursed with a big lack of people skills and scare people away with you riddles and solid belief in that magazine your dad prints. No one understands you, no one tries to.

You wonder sometimes if you would be different if she was there while you were growing up. You wonder if you would still be so disconnected from reality, if your head would still be so far up in the clouds. You dream at night about friends and going home on holiday's to a mother and father and writing notes to your famous boyfriend, the one with the lightning bolt scar. You like him, there's no denying that.

He isn't like other people and you laugh thinking that because what girl hasn't said that about some guy she has a crush on. But he is. He doesn't ignore you when you speak about the stars and how when you die you become one. He laughs at your insinuations about life and you feel connected to him like no other person in this world. You're smitten, there's no other way to describe it.

But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that your heart races at the sight of him or that your palms get sweaty. It doesn't matter that he likes to watch the stars with you or that his eyes light up when he receives a chocolate frog. It doesn't matter because he doesn't see you, not like that and it leaves you heartbroken each time he smiles innocently and tells you you're a great friend. It hurts you especially because for so long you've been extra sensitive to the world and people around you and have no idea how to protect yourself from the pains inflicted in everyday life. You know how he sees you, how everybody sees you, and it doesn't matter if he thinks of you as a 'friend', because in truth you'll never be anything more than Luna **"Loony"** Lovegood. You'll always be the one that doesn't matter no matter how hard you try to change that.

End

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